My dear, I’ve been dishonest…

when I said “I Love You”
the truth was so much greater

and when I said “I Missed You”
I could hardly live without you

and when I said “I Want You”
the truth is that I need you

without you, I feel imperfect

without you, I’m not sure I breathe

without you –
even for a moment –
I slip

and I only wish to fall
back into your arms

As discovered in a box of teen angst, the third from my Nowhere triptych. (The first and second are elsewhere.)

There are things in this world we choose not to see
Things forgotten or chosen from greed
And the more you forget, the more that you learn
Anything we build will eventually burn
Nothing we do is worth being done
The thrill of the kill is not worth the hunt
It’s more fun to cry than it is fun to bleed
We arrive at the ends by ignoring the means
So beat me clever without caution or care
Determine my doom if you desire or dare
And snake my eyes right from the bone
Only then will it make a loser alone

As discovered in a box of teen angst, the second from my Nowhere triptych. (The first and third are elsewhere.)

I lived alone and alone I live still
Completely encased, no emotions to spill
Eighteen years, drown choice in drink
Delicate creatures drown voice in think
Free the thunder of a mind controlled
Fight the flailing feelings I stole
Find a purpose for life without love
While I lie awake dreaming I’m never enough
In all of my words are some of my thoughts
I don’t know that I need but I think that I want
As much as I want, I will never receive
Anything more than I’ll get in my dreams
So self-distorted, my reflection is false
A stranger who knows me like no one at all
I keep to myself, there’s no other way
Living in sleep and dying in days

As discovered in a box of teen angst, the first from my Nowhere triptych. (The second and third are elsewhere.)

I lived in happiness but now in gloom
I killed that self and locked its tomb
The knife I used just rusts in rain
And won’t come clean from all this shame
What I thought was right was clearly wrong
Because I heard all I wanted all along
And I felt so free, forgetting fear
Had I not been blinded by these tears
I was a pawn in a game of chess
All alone with the queen in check
But after I said all I could possibly say
I opened my eyes and a king was in play
My dreams destroyed and my heart denied
I grabbed my blade and watched it slide
Across my heart, bleeding black
And I knew one day, that blade would be back

this is Your last chance for doubt, so if You have any left:
LET IT GO.

You don’t need doubt where You’re going, You don’t want it.
it will only make You afraid:

to exist beyond just existing,
to do what You want to do and say what You want to say,
to form Your own beliefs and to believe in them.

doubt will make You afraid to fail,
afraid to succeed,
afraid to even try.

so if You have any doubt,
LET IT GO.
all of it, completely!
be lighter without it,
be the light within You,
and shine everywhere You can,
everywhere You want,
and everywhere!

You are free, You are here!

When once I was so mighty
And stood against the storm
Now the wind blows lightly
And all my roots are torn
I’m weathered, weak, and wilting
And collapse upon the floor
Not mighty, but soon I will be
And brave the storm once more

As inspired years ago, at my most fragile.

The swallow that sings as the sun is rising
Feels sorrow as the sunlight fades
The days to come are promised to none
So sing for tomorrow today

As inspired by Belize, 2007.

I am
completely out of focus;
each time I look in the mirror
I have to squint harder and harder
to see myself

one day
I will squint so hard
that I will see myself clearly
and there I will be
my eyes closed

everything bad that has happened is this:
- the feeling of falling apart from your kiss
- the meaning of mining for diamonds I’d missed
- the lesions from longing for love that would lift
- the reason for rising my heart to a risk
- the chill through a winter of wanting a wish
- the tiny impression I left on your list
of things you demanded, but never could give

The way he fell upon you, a cautious solstice brume
You bloomed towards the warmth and felt ever so often moved;

The way he fell upon you, a distance so distinctly true
You threw your patient arms around a whisper and wielded wounds;

The way he fell upon you, a drastic dance with doom
And still he falls upon you but now he falls right through